Passion eagerness

I miss you already.

These words are so simple, too simple, makes me smile. I'm not a writer. They are true though, even though you did not even leave yet. If I wanted to, I could just go to see you right now. I've already done such crazy things, I hope I'll still do them in the future.

What you give me is all I ever wanted. It frightens me. This is my first time, I live this for the first time. Someone who loves me and for whom i'm falling as well. I try to keep my head cold but you just want more and more. Please just give me the time. The time for us to know each other, for you to calm down, for me to truly say I love you.

Am i done for that? Am i a person who wants a serious relationship? A relationship at all? What do i really want? So far i'm living it as it is and i like it. For how long? Do i just think too much or am i lying to myself?

My mood and my thoughs are so unstable. I'm only living and staying thanks to the certainties i always had. These led my way all my life long. And the main one is that I would never say "leave me since I don't want to live my life fully".

Man that one is just so true. Fear overwhelms me sometimes. I don't know where I'm going, where we are going. I'm lost and afraid, but my will is strong enough, and I will not let it fall apart. I like it so far, very much. It's already unique for me.

I remember that one movie i never watched but the meaning of these words just stroke me: "if ever you are lost, you don't know where to go, don't hazardously choose your way. Stop there, sit down and listen to heart. Once you hear it, stand up and go where it leads you".

I will wait and see. I don't want to hurry.

Mellie, july 2007